I’ve always thought it’d be a nice thing to be clueless. Seriously. To live with no worries; never overthinking anything. To sit there and just be completely happy.
I see the worst in people. It’s something I wish I didn’t do, but I automatically look for people’s flaws. I see right through people. I use their flaws to understand how they operate and why they do the things that they do. It’s who I am. I analyze people. Constantly. I have this compulsive need to understand why and how things work the way that they do. I’m naturally curious.
People would say this is a good thing; that it’s good to be so observant and analytical. However, I see it as my own personal flaw. It causes me to overthink all of the time. I end up upset. Hurt. Because of things I can’t control.
Not only do I see people’s flaws, but I also overthink to the point where I think everyone’s actions are a personal attack on me. I analyze people until I truly believe that everything they do surrounds me. If I’m not invited to hang out with people one night, they must hate me. If someone doesn’t text me back, they just don’t like me.
You know what this does to me? Gives me a negative perspective on the world. I don’t go through my day with optimistic eyes. I’m sad. I’m grumpy. I’m constantly hurting.
It’d be nice to be clueless. To not see anyone’s actions as threats. To follow mindlessly. To just BE. Just exist. Without a care. See the good in people. See the good in life.